ixcaliber: Made by SleepingOrange (Default)
Guess what I've decided to do even if it kills me? Well actually from your perspective guessing really isn't necessary because the answer is update my damn dreamwidth/livejournal thing. And if you can see this then I guess I've already done it, even if it did kill me, and so there's little point in guessing what might happen when that thing has already happened. Also if it turns out that this is simply too much for me to handle then you'll never see it and never be invited to speculate on what I am going to have already done. Okay now that incredibly confusing treatise on the nature of guessing and the past is complete I suppose I will just have to come up with some clever things to say about the world and then I can sod off to bed.

So things that have happened in the world. If I was more politically minded I would have heaps of material to blather on about with regards to the situation wherein all the countries in Africa seem to be rebelling all at once. As I am a more self-involved individual I will instead regale you with stories about my own personal rebellion against the man. Specifically my own miniature thought rebellions against the BBC news. I have this thing wherein while watching the news and being told that people are terrorists or such a person is guilty of a crime of some description I instinctively think that the news is trying to bias brainwash us into believing these things and call in to question their basis in fact. I am such a rebel yes anyway. I don't know why I do this but it seems the more I am told a thing the more I come to suspect the opposite is true. I guess I suppose the news will probably take advantage of this fact now that I have put it out there and start telling us what has really happened so that those of us who are paranoid, I mean have enquiring minds, will believe the opposite; i.e. what they wanted us to think all along. By that point in time it will no longer be safe to believe anything is true any more and I will take refuge inside a cardboard box while cardboard angels rain chocolate apocalypse down upon us.

I guess that despite my whole 'i am so self involved' thing that was actually pretty political, right up until the whole chocolate apocalypse thing. I don't even know how that would work. Perhaps like how easter is celebrated with chocolate eggs (for some reason i don't understand but equally don't complain about) the chocolate apocalypse will probably be celebrated with little chocolate nukes. Or something. I don't know. I am tired and I think I might be coming down with a cold.
ixcaliber: Made by SleepingOrange (Default)
Can you believe this? I expressed a sentiment that perhaps I should update my journals (being a superteam of Livejournal and Dreamwidth) more oftener and here I am actually following through with the intentions that I felt at the time. This almost never happens, in the same way that hell almost never freezes over. I think this is something of a tired overused cliche nowadays and we really need a new one. How much do we really know about Hell anyway. I mean there's apparently loads of different levels to it and everything, is it massively inconceivable that they have like an ice level, after all there is always an ice level. If cartoons have taught me anything it's that Hell loves ironic punishments and so I'd be very disappointed if there wasn't an appropriately frozen segment for punishing people who... erm... I don't know... always had the radiators on too hot? Ironic punishments are difficult, especially if you are working backwards from the punishment and trying to find some kind of ironic crime to fit. Speaking of which ironic criminals are the worst criminals. I would make some remark about some kind of ironic crime but I have the same problem as Alanis Morrisette, in that I get kind of confused about what ironic actually means sometimes, and so I like to stay away from the entire subject...

Pandora's Cut. Open At Own Risk )

Anyway whatever. That is enough of this for now. I really shouldn't write so much on here.
ixcaliber: Made by SleepingOrange (Default)
You know how people when they move somewhere new they become immersed in that language and it's apparently a good way to learn it, and how people pick up accents from living in places. That kind of thing. Well I get that. Not from living in other places though, I haven't done that. I get that from watching a lot of certain programs where a distinctive accent/mannerism is prevalent. For example a while ago when I used to listen to Russell Brand a lot I would pick up bits and pieces of his vocabulary and start using them. Same happened after I had a scrubs binge and I started talking like Dr Cox. Recently I've been watching rather a lot of Gavin and Stacey which I have to admit is a pretty lush program (that one was intentional) and then when I've been talking to people I've found myself unintentionally speaking with a welsh accent. I figure I'm probably really impressionable and the kind of person that Derren Brown would love to have at his shows. I mean if I'm so suggestible I can accidentally change my accent from watching a TV program think of what kind of suggestive mind powers he'd be able to use on me. Anyway so the point is that if Derren Brown is listening I'm essentially angling for tickets to a show. This might sound like an absurd thing to do but after daring to suggest that Derren Brown liked hypnotising himself into a lesbian in his spare time I recieved a confusing email from the confusing email wing of his business empire. So if you're reading this then tickets would be greatly appreciated. Failing that a DVD maybe. If that's still too much trouble how about a picture of his face I can gaze wistfully at or a lock of his hair? I'm easy really.

Anyway I'm off for now. Off to further degrade my grasp of the noble Mancunian accent. Bye for now.

Wind

Dec. 30th, 2009 09:14 pm
ixcaliber: Made by SleepingOrange (Default)
You know when it's windy out, right? I mean like when it's really windy. Not when there's just a bit of a breeze. I mean really proper windy. When it's so windy that the wind is making your windows vibrate so loudly that they sound like they are about to explode.

God I hate it when that happens. Not when your windows explode. I don't know if any windows have exploded, though I would imagine that it would be a pain if they did. I am hiding under my duvet in the hope that it's comfort and warmth will protect me from the deadly shower of glass when the window does eventually give in to the hurricane force winds. I'm not massively hopeful, but you never know do you? Worse things happen at sea so they say. Actually who says that? I know I just said it then but I was only saying it in the way that I was saying that other people say it. It is not a viewpoint I personally hold. If I had a saying like that mine would probably be 'worse things happen with snakes'. Whenever someone says to me that something could be worse I instinctively say 'yeah there could be snakes as well'. I held a snake once. It wasn't so bad, except now I only have one eye. Nevermind.

Anyway the wind is really windy and I am not going outside. The end.
ixcaliber: Made by SleepingOrange (Default)
This time of the year, traditionally known as 'that weird bit in between christmas and new year' is a very confusing time. It's not difficult to lose track of what day it is, what's going on, or to a certain extent who and where you are. It is for this reason that I call it Uncertainty Week. Well I haven't actually called it that before, but I like it and I have decided that from now on 'that weird bit in between Christmas and New Year' is to be officially known as Uncertainty Week. Tell your friends! With your help this could be the biggest holiday since Earth Day!

In other news I have officially connected my dusty old Livejournal account to my shiny new Dreamwidth account via the wonder of crossposting. Which, despite what it sounds like, is not sending crucifixes through the mail. Although to be fair that would be far more interesting than sitting here reading my witterings about how Dreamwidth is the shiny technological future and Livejournal is some kind of lumbering behemoth. You should all go and post crucifixes to one another instead. Not the little necklace crucifixes either. Nobody is going to be impressed by that. Post a full sized wooden cross or don't post anything at all. That's always been my motto in life.

Hi

Dec. 27th, 2009 02:59 am
ixcaliber: Made by SleepingOrange (Default)
I have just made myself a Dreamwidth account. Obviously. It is late at night. I am tired. My eyes want to be closed. I almost fell asleep with my head on my keyboard before. I didn't think that happened in real life, just bad sitcoms. Then when they wake up they have keys stuck to their face or something. I think that's a thing that happens. Maybe it is just my imagination. So many things often are my imagination.

This is my first proper journal entry in a long time, well first on here ever obviously, but my first in a long time because I kind of abandoned Livejournal or was too lazy to update for the best part of a year. The fact that I've finally found my way onto dreamwidth is almost a miracle. A Christmas miracle if you believe in those kind of things. I have been wanting to come onto here for ages. I'm not entirely sure why. I think it might be the name. Dreamwidth. The width of a dream. It's very appealing for some reason. How wide is a dream anyway? Can dreams truly be measured in the same way other things can. How wide is love? How wide is truth and justice and a hard boiled egg? Actually I think you can measure the width of a hard boiled egg. Or at least it's circumference. You see in terms of marketing the name is important. What we've learnt from this trip into my stream of consicousness is that Dreamwidth is a good name but that Eggcircumference would be a bad one. Though you have to admit that you would go to that website. Just to see what it was about. Some kind of perverse curiousity would set in and you'd just have to know. In fact knowing what the internet is like nowadays there probably is already a website called that, and damnit now I want to know what the website is about. Hang about. I'll be right back. Okay so that was a complete waste of both of our time...s? I hate words that don't pluralize properly. No actually scratch that I really like words that don't pluralize properly because I like to wind up people by intentionally using the wrong term. Not many people actually do get wound up by my inappropriately pluralized language but I'm hoping one day that someone will care enough about it to have a brawl to the death with me. I can just tell that one day the grammar peoples are going to come and deal with me, if not for the poor plurization then it'll be for the reckless approach to apostrophe distribution. Honestly I'm 23 now and I still don't know where it's appropriate to stick an apostrophe. I don't believe I ever did. I blame our schools system. My school I used to go to was a right load of old rubbish. The headmaster had this weird squirrel fetish that he subjected the rest of the school to. He had statues of squirrels and the logo of the school was changed to a squirrel and he used to serve squirrel in the canteen. No, obviously not. We didn't have a canteen he used to serve it in the cafeteria. Anyway so... what was I talking about? How our school was rubbish. Well it was, in History all they ever used to teach us was Henry the Eighth. For years and years it's all they ever used to tell us about. And it didn't sink in. Okay maybe they kept telling us because they thought it eventually would, but that still doesn't explain our Music teacher's fascination with Sweeney Todd. And not the good kind of Sweeney Todd with Johnny Depp in it. He used to sit with lemon tea and have us sing it at him. That's literally all I remember of Music class. I personally reckon he would hate Johnny Depp's portrayal of the Demon Barber of Fleet Street as he was known. Hey you know what, I used to believe that the whole Sweeney Todd thing was based on a true story and it had really happened. I used to sit there and think how inappropriate it was that this awful spree of killings had been turned into a musical. I also used to think that anti-gravity chambers actually existed. You know what I'm not talking about this any more. I'm coming off like a right idiot. This is my first entry on here you know, "He came on and rambled ceaselessly about how much of an idiot he is" is not the kind of first impression I intended to leave. I'd try to counterpoint it with a story in which I come off really well, but I can't actually think of one at the moment. Hey look, in a completely unrelated note you can set your mood to None. I like that. Obviously it just leaves it blank but I like the idea that it displays to the world that you have no mood, not a good mood, not a bad mood. That you are effectively moodless. I love doing this when people ask me about the weather. No not telling them that I am moodless. That is silly. I like telling them that we haven't had any weather. Unfortunately people just ignore me, rather like how I try to rile people up with my incorrect plurizations and get nothing for my hard worked effort. So go on everyone who is reading this, leave me a reply raging about my inappropriate use of apostrophes and my incorrect plurizations and you'll have made my day.

So... erm... yeah. I'm going to sleep now I think.

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